To Fail or Not to Fail? *

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more 

useful than a life spent doing nothing." 

George Bernard Shaw

"Try again. Fail again. Fail better." Samuel Beckett

So today was class reflection day. I've been lucky enough to have three of these this year. We are on the trimester schedule and have an insane--literally--task of teaching new students each trimester, so in my first year, I have taught twelve different classes of students; although, I've only had six preps. This means I've had approximately 230 class reflections handed into me to date. It's a good thing I'm a big fan of reflecting. 

I hope one day when I am the experienced, life-changing teacher that I dream of becoming, class reflection day will be the highlight of my year because it will be the day I realize that I've actually made a difference, a significant difference. However and to say the least, I'm not quite there yet. Today I had the full spectrum of reflections: one that particularly stands out was in response to the question "What made learning difficult for you this trimester? Explain." I received the ever-so-concise answer "Ms. (insert my last name here)." Actually, there were no periods; punctuation seems to be a lost art form these days. In the same class that I received this reflection, I failed about eight students, over a fourth of the class. I can't even believe I'm admitting this "publicly."

It was later in the day that I received unsolicited feedback from a student who I haven't had the pleasure of having in class. He's a nice kid: quiet, helpful, artistic and respectful. He came in after school to ask if I needed any help, and then we preceded to chat. He asked if it was my first year teaching and how I got into education. I explained what led me to where I am, and then he asked if I would be staying at the high school for a while. I responded that I was planning on it, and he replied, "Even after everything everyone says about you?" Ouch. I didn't see that one coming. I pretended not to be too struck by his comment and joked that I may not be caught up on all the latest gossip, and then he said, "Well, everyone just says how much work you give and how much writing you expect your students to do." Ahhh...in case that wasn't clear, that was me sighing with relief.

Not to jump on the defense but rather explain my concerns with the state of education, I don't give homework every night and when I do, it's usually about twenty-thirty minutes a night. I would say the amount of homework I give averages to about fifteen minutes a night (if that). I do ask my students to write a lot (mostly because many of them are sixteen years old and don't know what a sentence fragment is...even I, fraud English teacher, know that one). So my concern is this (and I speak for my school only): What are we sacrificing when we pass students who don't deserve to pass or dumb our classes down enough so it is possible to pass without ever bringing a book home or completing any work over the weekend? I think we are sacrificing everything, including our students. 

This trimester students could not pass my class if they did not write the "mandatory" four-and-a-half page junior research paper.** Was it hard? Yes. Was it new to most students? Yes. Was it impossible for any student? Heck no. But still eight students expected to pass without doing it despite the numerous warnings I delivered in class, on progress reports, to parents via phone and email, to guidance counselors and personally. They really were shocked when it got towards the end of the trimester and I told them they had to do the paper (now over a month late) or take a failing grade. I don't believe I speak too incomprehensibly (although at times I certainly lack eloquence) and I don't believe my students a dumb computer/couch potatoes. So where is the disconnect? I think it's in vague, inconsistent and lowered expectations. I have yet to have one student of average intelligence fail one of my classes; students who get a kick out of Ulysses have failed my classes but the ones that struggle the most intellectually usually get by with a C. So what am I doing wrong? What is the high school I work in doing wrong? What is the district doing wrong? I believe it is us, not the students, are the ones doing the failing. 

All I can say to sooth my bruised, teacher ego soul on this emotionally taxing day known as class reflection day is that I will fail my students and myself better next year.

*I'm sure this cliche title has been used before, but I'm drained from the day and lack all energy that would be required to come up with a creative title. Don't tell my students I said that. 

**Rants and raves on research papers will certainly make an appearance in the near future.