Wind, Breezes, Blowing and Reeds

Whoa...first day of the second year of teaching is SO different than the first day of the first year of teaching. It didn't dawn on me until today how badly the difficulties of the first year are stacked against you. On top of knowing nothing about teaching and constantly feeling like I was failing (but needing to appear as if I was earning at least a "proficient" mark), I had no relationships within the school system my first year of teaching. I've since come to realize that a significant part (probably the most important part) of teaching is cultivating relationships, and on that first day of that first year I had zip, zero, zulch in that department. 

Today I saw familiar faces, faces that I was happy to see and faces that seemed happy to see me. I have a few of the same students in my classes, and I have two whole freshmen classes that were less familiar with the school than me. Granted, I wasn't a huge help giving the freshmen directions (I'm still unable to tell anyone exactly where room 323 is), but it felt good knowing I have a place in my school's community. I'm not expecting this year to be a breeze, but I'm already feeling like I might be able to scrape by with a solid "needs improvement" this year and I won't have to fake anything to anyone. 

I just thought of a my own middle school's old slogan, which I probably haven't thought of since I was in middle school over ten years ago. The principle used to say, "The wind still blows warm across Swampscott Middle School." Today I felt warm breezes blowing down the English corridor. I love breezes, especially the ones that connect me to the scenery around me. Maybe that's what Yeats was talking about when he wrote "The Wind Among the Reeds"; when you feel the wind blow over your arms and body while also seeing and hearing it blow through the reeds of grass, suddenly it all makes a bit more sense. 

OMGosh! OMGosh! School starts on Monday! I can't believe it. I'm one mixed bag of excitement and nerves...mostly excitement though. My mom has been kind enough to use all the gift certificates she gets as a first grade teacher (a huge advantage over teaching at a high school mind you!) on a going-back-to-school/girl day for the two of us. It's the perfect end to a mostly perfect summer. I'm going skydiving as well tomorrow; it seems to be a fitting end.

So I was getting my hair cut this morning and talking to the hairdresser about lots of stuff, and we talked a lot about the media, advertising and the youth. I think I found words for what I want to change about education. I want education to provide students with a sense of self, sense of meaning in their lives, and a sense of purpose. Isn't this what life is about anyway?

The best example I can think of relates to consumerism. Everyday I see girls and boys walk down the school hallways dressed to impress, and for most of them this means wearing as little as possible or flashy as possible. I had a particularly difficult time with a student who I will call M. M is very good at basketball but had to quit the team when he failed his first class. Quitting the team coincided with M adopting a new look and one flashy, shimmery, cheapy gold watch. It seems that once M was no longer to play basketball and be an athlete he needed to adopt a new identity so he would be somebody, if anybody, in the eyes of his peers. M (and his gold watch) was one of my most difficult students all year and I believe my inability to connect with him on a meaningful level contributed to the painful demise of one of my junior sections. The kicker is, as it seems to be in many such cases, that M is smart, quick mentally and is open to exploring the world from multiple perspectives.

I believe M has become apathetic towards his life because he doesn't know who M is, he has no sense of self. Self is not a basketball, a jump shot, or the way other people treat athletes. Self is not a watch, it's not the way other people look at that watch, and it's not respect gained from others by being disrespectful to teachers. All these things are not an identity and really don't provide us with a sense of self. If anything, they leave us feeling emptier because somewhere deep down we know that these things do not reflect our innermost feelings about whom we are. Of course I don't know if this is the case with M, but given my own experiences growing up and my complete lack of sense of self as a teenager, I feel that I might understand what M is going through at the moment.

The paradox is that I have no idea exactly what a sense of self is. But I know that it's the most important thing I've learned in my own life so far. Everyone's sense of self is completely different, so I would pretend to know the sense of self that my students need. But I know that education should be a way to help them strip down their protective identities (basketball player, tough guy, sexy girl, etc.), and help them get in touch with something deeper. And I can't say what deeper is, I just know it's there.

Once students allow themselves to appreciate themselves they will uncover a meaning in their lives. Talents and gifts begin to shine because they are not restricted by the superficial identities we have adopted in high school. I still role play to the identities I took on in high school, so I'm not claiming that education can rid us of them or that education should. Yeats wrote about masks, actually tons of writers have written about masks, and most of them agree that they are essential part of humanity; however, it is just as essential to understand what lies beneath such masks. Once students can discover their essence of their talents and gifts then the purpose of their lives will unfold--the place where or a way they can utilize*

*I got cut off and couldn't finish this, but I will.

Are You a Dreamer?

Crazy Dreamers

Ray LaMontagne

Here's to all you crazy dreamers

Dream your crazy dreams

Don't let them go

Deep inside your heart I'm sure you know

Deep inside your heart I'm sure you know

Here's to all you crazy lovers

Love the one's you love

And serve them well 

Give yourself some time and time to tell

For he to love another got to love himself

Here's to all you crazy dreamers

Dream your crazy dreams

Don't let them slip away

There's more to life than living day to day

There's more to life than living day to day

Here's to all you crazy lovers

Love the one's you love

Don't let them go

Deep inside your soul that love will grow

And deep inside your soul that love will grow

It Only Took Twenty-Five Short Years

I have a new guru--my mom. She's amazing. I don't where to begin. She teaches first grade, which is so different than teaching high school. But her insights to teaching are so authentic, experienced and inspiring. I spent the whole first twenty-four years of my life trying to be something different than both of my parents.  I wanted to be my own person. But the more time  spend with my mom the more I realize she is the inspiration for the person, the teacher, I am now. She's in her late fifties (I'm sorry for putting that out there Mom), but she's not jaded. Despite it all, she laughs, she loves and she teaches. She knows so much--all the various movements of the last thirty years and can describe them in first-person detail. She's been there through it all. It's like listening to a history book that speaks aloud with fire and reflection. Thanks Mom. I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize that trying to not be like you was a fruitless effort. These day I want to be just like you.

The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly on the Plains...I Think I've Got It...

Alright, I've been brainstorming all day about how to do my Macbeth unit because I knew I couldn't rely on journals alone to make capture my students' interest in Shakespeare.  I was having visions of a repeat from last year while lying in bed last night, so today I planned away. Here's the plan:

I'm going to introduce Macbeth using a music simile. The objective of the lesson will be to have students make the connection that a Shakespearean play is just like a classic, top-twenty-five song of all time. We'll talk about how people cover these songs (like a performance of a Shakespearean play) and people also adapt the songs like Puffy did with the song "With Every Breath You Take" (like an adaptation of a Shakespearean play). This music simile will guide the rest of the unit. 

I've created a Macbeth Unplugged blog that will serve as the journals I was originally thinking about having the students write in. All homework assignments will be on the blog and depending on what we've read in class they will have to "cover," "adapt," "choose a song," or "choose an singer" for a selection from the text. I'll start off posting the selections, but I'm hoping as they get used to the format they will eventually choose their own to post. 

I hoping this will encourage the close reading that I was having trouble incorporating, get them to think about the decisions Shakespeare made and how the literary devices add to the meaning and complexity of the text, and allow them to think about what captures their individual attention in the text. I'm also hoping it will add a little competitive edge to the discussions, and students engage with the text so they are not "copying" the ideas of their peers.

After we have finished reading the play, students will review everything they wrote in the blog and look for patterns in their thinking. This will be the self-reflective part that helps them see the influence of literature on understanding themselves as individuals better. Here is where the literature will become the tool for self discovery.

During the unit we will look at different "covers" and an adaptation of Macbeth (The BBC's Shakespeare Retold, which is awesome by the way!), and their final paper will be to write a proposal for a Macbeth production to submit to the theatre I'm working at now. They can use the self-reflection part mentioned earlier to come up with a unifying concept for their production. I'm hoping that if I bring up the idea to the woman I work for, who happens to have a soft spot for teachers, something may come of this. Imagine if I could get the artistic director to read their submissions and select one! That would be amazing!

And the icing on the blogilicious cake--minimal correcting!!

I Can't Include the Word "Summer" In Another Post...But I Want To

I'm getting really excited for school to start. I've been working at a local theatre, and one of the guys I work with is also a teacher. He's young, dorky and enthusiastic like me, but he's SO over teaching. He's on his third year and says he was naive and happy just like me after his first and now he's borderline quitting. Dear Lord, please don't ever let me feel that way. My role as a teacher has completely merged into my identity (in fact, it's not a role so much anymore) and I love that. I don't ever want to be the burnt-out third year, ten year, tenure teacher. I hope that's not my path. 

Anyway...I've been prepping a lot lately for my junior class, and I can't wait to see how things go. For the first trimester I'm teaching freshmen, who I love, but the junior course is really the highlight of my year. I have to wait for a third of the year to finish before I teach it, and I'm really hoping my enthusiasm for the course hasn't subsided on day sixty of the school year. Only time will tell. 

I've come to the conclusion that at this point in my life I have two goals for my students: first, to rekindle their innate curiosity for life and learning. Actually, that's one goal. But I think that encouraging them to travel and see the world beyond their limited town walls directly affects their success of achieving that goal. So I've come up with a new warm-up activity to replace the grammar warm up for juniors (I'm hoping I've drilled it in enough freshman year that we'll having something to work with  so that I don't need to rehash the difference between "there," "they're" and "their" for seven straight classes in a row). My only goal is to help pique their interest in the world beyond Massachusetts and hopefully their interest in exciting, unfamiliar, and new (to them and me) cultures. 

I'm calling it Where In the World Is Miss Rasselas? Each Monday I'll show them a picture of some place I've been to abroad. Then on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I'll give them small one-word clues. For instance, if the picture was of the Aran Islands, Tuesday's clue would be "fish," Wednesday's clue would be "curragh," and Thursday's clue would be "Liam O'Flaherty." They must put their guesses in my Where-In-the-World-Is-Miss-Rasselas box by Friday at 2:15. Monday morning I'll reach into the box and pick (actually, I'll place that burden on students) a winner from all the correct answers. Five bonus points (one homework assignment) will be awarded to the winner. By the way (English teachers have this weird habit of spelling words out), I'm no longer a believer in free homework passes, but that's a blog for another day. I'm hoping this will get them looking online to learn things about the world. I'll award an additional bonus point to a student who can answer a question about the place that they would most likely know from doing the research during the week. Hopefully this will encourage them to think of the world beyond what they can see now. I guess I'll find out if it works. Last year I found that students love seeing my pictures from traveling. I'm just hoping to plant some seeds.

I'm trying to figure out what to do with Macbeth. I'm not going to lie--Macbeth is hard for me. Well, Shakespeare is hard for me. I like to spend a lot of time with the Bard's work and mull it over a great deal. In a sixty-day course I don't have a lot of time to teach two texts (Le Morte D'Arthur and Macbeth) and teach students the joys of mulling. I can't wait for five years down the educational yellow brick road when I've figured out how to teach Shakespeare half decently. 

This year I've divided my course into two parts. With Le Morte we are going to focus on literature and the community and with Macbeth we are going to focus on literature and the individual. I'm looking forward to emphasizing the reader-response theory with Macbeth. I want Macbeth to mean something to them, reveal something about themselves to them. I'm thinking I might ask them to keep a Macbeth journal. For each scene they will need to pick out one passage and explain what it means to them and write a page or so on it. I'm hoping this will foster some interesting discussion and close analysis, but I'm afraid they'll get bored with the repetitiveness of a journal and the textual work. I'm a big ideas person, and my students respond well to that. I'm afraid I won't be able to hack it with the other approach. Most of these kids get ecstatic about applying to the local state college. Actually, the few that go to college get excited about the local state college and the majority have no idea what they are doing after school. I want them to see Macbeth (any piece of classic literature really) as a tool for self discovery. I'm just having a bit of trouble trying to figure it all out. I already know not to focus on plot details, but with a limited amount of time and a new teacher at the steering wheel, do we go big or go close-reading home? At this point in my career, it seems extremely difficult to do both well and simultaneously.  Ooo...this is a teaching crossroad for sure. Which way to turn? Which way to go? Scary. Empowering. Exciting. I can't wait for school to start.*

*See blog entry in two months entitled "What the Hell Was I Thinking?"

Great Summer Day

Went to school today.

Walking down hall when student who I kicked out of extended office detention once (at the time he swore at me) ran out of a classroom to say hi to me.

Felt good. 

Had AMAZINGLY productive prepping session with my coworker.

Psyched for next year.

Went with my coworker while he picked up students from a summer internship program.

Listened as they played the High-Low game.

Last girl in the van (former student of mine who failed my senior class) said the high of her day was seeing Miss Rasselas.

High of my week.

Good day.

Great day.

Too tired to write in complete sentences. Don't tell my students.

Why Educate?

I just returned from a trip to Boulder, the place where I first really began to become me. There's something about that Rocky Mountain air that breathes life into my soul, and imbued with a little Rocky Mountain high I'm going to write.

In my eighteen years as a student and one year as a teacher, I don't think I ever heard someone say why education is truly important. Of course, there are grades, jobs, "opportunities," etc. But so what? Honestly, who cares? I certainly don't think these are the reasons why education exists. If you think back to what the traditional models of education, people explored that world through various subjects and studied multiple areas slowly and methodically. They understood the world (or at least attempted to) through the words of famous writers, the paint strokes of influential artists, the mathimatical equations of the world's brightest, and the spectrum of sounds created by musicians. Education was long, daunting and meaningful. There were long one-on-one conversations, massive libraries, trips and travel; in essence, education was a way of life for one's youth. It was the molding of boy into a man. But education is no longer taken seriously like this. It has become one of the boxes to check off on our itemized checklist of life. The other day I told a woman I was an English teacher and her immediate response way, "Ugh, I hate reading. Oh English was awful." It struck me as a tragedy that this woman, now in her forties or fifties, was never shown how remarkably interesting it can be to explore the world through the eyes, the heart and the soul of a wise writer. 

All of our subjects, whether they be chemistry, French, computer apps, history, maths or English are essentially the same. The connections between the most divergent subjects are infinite, and the subject we teach is merely our individual vechicle that we have chosen to travel down the highway of life and glance out the window. We all look at a mountain and see the same thing but something totally different simultaneously. The chemistry teacher thinks about the fascinating composition of the rock, the French teacher is reminded of the Alps, the computer apps teacher may think about how a picture of the mountain could be scanned onto a computer and then manipulated (I actually have know idea about this field so I'm just taking a guess here), the history teacher may think how that mountain could have served the surrounding people during the Great Depression, the maths teacher may see fascinating geometric shapes, and the English teacher may wonder about how Hemmingway would have written about that mountain. In essence, all the ways we choose to explore that mountain are a reflection of our internal selves. Once a student is able to look at the world from multiple perspectives, he or she is able to look at the one thing that really matters using multiple perspectives--him or herself.

I believe a meaningful education teaches the student how to explore the world first and then how to explore his or her own internal landscape. The deeper a student looks at the world, the deeper he or she will look into him or herself. The deeper one is able to look inwards, his or her gifts to the world blossom more fully and beautifully. I think teaching is really the business of developing souls, heart and conciousness. But why is no one talking about this? Have we really lost sight of the purpose of education so much that we've actually forgotten why education even exists? I'm beginning to think that we have. I'm not convinced we know why we send our students to school and why we show up to school everyday. 

Declan Kiberd, the most amazing teacher I have ever met, once told me that the most obvious questions are usually the ones that are overlooked and never answered, and as I think more and more about my new job, I believe he is absolutely right. Why educate? I think once that question is answered collectively (within a school, a district, a state, heck, a nation), there will be a huge, massively exciting rehibilitation of the educational system in this country. I love to see people begin to talk about developing their students' souls and teaching them how to passionately connect with the world. Classes would become so much more three dimensional, departments would collaborate rather than compete for materials...well now I'm beginning to describe a teaching utopia and that seems like dangerous territory. But who knows? The possibilities could be endless, and that's one bandwagon I'd like to ride. Heck, I'd love to drive it.

I Heart Summer

Things I love about summer:

-Last Day of School parties for teachers: my mom always hosted her school's Last Day of School party, so I feel as if I'm finally on the "inside." (Not that this was a dream of mine or anything; basically, I spent a lot of time trying to find a career that was different than my parents'...but clearly it's come to this.)

-Having time to watch and enjoy the sights, sounds and smells of thunder and lightening storms.

-Yoga: I've taken up Bikram yoga now that I have spare time and made a commitment to myself that I will go at least twice a week during the school year. We'll see how long that lasts, but in the meantime, I'm enjoying my temporary fantasy land.

- The book Healthy at 100: This is a blow-you-away-kind of book (it's no New Earth but good supplemental reading), and I highly recommend NOT reading it if you want to continue to enjoy eating the foods you currently love. However, if you would like to try to develop a different taste pallet and take a quest that will provide you with a gastronomic return to your roots (I know, cheesy pun; haha, another corny pun; haha, another one. I'll stop that now. I've never done that before!!), this is the perfect read for you. Honestly, it's a life-changing book that I wish I never read. Naivety is bliss.

-Good first dates.

-Watching MY garden grow: Yes, mine. Not my grandmother's, not my neighbor's (I do peep over her fence sometimes, though, because her garden is about double the size of mine in size and height of her plants), and not Mary's.  MY garden is "growing"! But according to the lady at the farmers' market today, my basil seems to be developmentally stunted. She told me not to worry though because it would keep growing through September. I didn't tell her my life is over for the next nine months on August 15--give or take a few days. I'm hoping for one dish pesto.

-Farmers' markets: Oo la la and basil by the bunch.

-Experimental cooking: Although I've burnt at one ingredient in each of my meals thus far, I have what I believe to be an obtainable goal--one complete unburnt meal by the end of the summer that includes ingredients from my garden. 

-Maine: This leads me to my next goal for the summer--spend one night in Maine in our family's summer "cottage" by myself. This is my Thoreauesque attempt to live the dream. This goal does not seem so achievable mostly because I can't walk into a basement without having a slight panic attack. I'm working on the basement thing first; once I can handle that, I'll start working on the big, bad, scary woods of Maine.

-Good second dates.

-Long car rides up the through Massachusetts and New Hampshire; such rides include windows down, seafood lunches, a tarot card reading (I've only done this a couple of time in my life, but it's  a perk that comes along with spontaneity), drifting in and out of artist and clothing boutiques, and walking along cobble-stoned streets.

-Gently tossing ideas about school around in my head: This is one of the best types of prepping. I love it. Ideas float around in my head about school but there is no pressure to turn them into concrete lesson plans. It's kind of like trying to develop the perfect ice cream sundae and having months of time to do it. Maybe a little of this? How about a little of that? Will this taste good with that? Will these flavors blend well or not? What do I want that first bite to be like? The last bite? What's the overall concept? Will others buy it? Love it? It's kind of like prepping Ben-and-Jerry's style. I dig it.*

-Listening to birds chirp.

-The big questions: The question that is looming in my mind today is whether or not I will require the students to read Macbeth in full when we read it in December. I'm thinking I need to find a more creative way to have them engage with the concepts, language, conventions and beauty of the text than having students read it cover to cover. With the trimester schedule we don't have a lot of time, and I think I could find something really engaging and pertinent to do with it that didn't require a host of uninterested "volunteer" "actors" reading it to an uninterested classroom full of students. I love dreaming up these big ideas, and it just seems like there is not enough time during the school year. I love prepping. I love dreaming. I love when I can do both at the same time. 

I love summer.

*I think this is a sign that Healthy at 100 has totally screwed with my mind. I love ice cream, I want ice cream, I need ice cream, but the author Tom Robbins (as in Baskin-Robbins) kind of convinced me it shouldn't be a daily summer treat. Hence the awful prepping-ice cream metaphor. I apologize.

"Life Is a Highway...

School ends in two days, but apparently with all this blogging and reflection, I've already put this year behind me. Driving home from school today I thought of a way to tie down (or free) our freshmen English course to a coherent and meaningful foundation. As of now, we cover run down a checklist of classics: "The Scarlet Ibis," "The Cask of Amontillado," "The Most Dangerous Game," "The Gift of the Magi," The Odyssey, Animal Farm, To Kill a Mockingbird and Romeo and Juliet. I'm sure I'm too dense to see it, but I have trouble seeing/understanding the strand that connects these pieces. So 

here's my the idea for a freshmen English course: English for a Developing Citizen.

I think the new principal at our school would like this for two reasons: one, he is trying to develop an academy (teams) for struggling freshmen that would provide these students with a sense of purpose and place within the daunting structure of the high school; and two, he's always talking about turning our students from mere students into world citizens. I completely agree with him and personally feel that English shouldn't be taught in school if the focus isn't providing students with the tools to become better peo

ple. Hence, this would be a first-year English course that introduces what it means to be a a good citizen.

So this course's mastery objective would be to teach students what it means to be a good citizen and it would be broken down into units. The units would be thematic and have corresponding unit assessments that focus on applying the skills gained in the unit to "real world" situations. Playing on the "real world" phrase a bit, the s

tructure of the course (especially assessments) would be based on the model of reality t.v. shows. OK...bear with me a bit here. This would work especially well in an academy/team because different classes would be different teams. I've been so lucky to work with a teacher who shares a lot of the same ideas as me, and we had a few friendly competitions this year; the kids responded really well to it, which makes me think turning to the course in this direction could generate a lot of enthusiasm and a strong community. Each unit would have a number of minor applications corresponding to the skills taught and then the unit assessment would be a big, hyped-up challenge. Think Real World/R

oad Rules Challenge. Students today are inundated with reality TV, so this would be using a medium they are familiar with to engage and excite them. The entire course would be part of a larger competition. If done in the right way, this would foster a real sense of community even among competing classes.

Here's a brainstorming syllabus:

ENGLISH FOR THE DEVELOPING CITIZEN

English IA and IB

Course objective: This course, using literature as its foundation, guides and encourages students to become better citizens of their school

, local and world communities. Students will will participate in various instructional activities and assessments in order to apply the life lessons that are presented in literature to real-world situations. By the end of the course, students will have a working idea of what it means to be a good citizen and how they can continue to develop their citizenship by using literature as a springboard. 

Units, Literature and Assessments:

1. Teamwork

"The Most Dangerous Game" by Richard Edward Connell

"The Cask of Amontillado" by Edgar Allen Poe

"The Scarlet Ibis" by James Hurst

"The Gift of the Magi" by O Henry 

Assessment: Team five-paragraph essay building challenge

2. Community

Animal Farm by George Orwell

Assessment: Create an ideal classroom. This is a bare-bones assessment right now but would be developed a lot more. 

3.  Character (and possibly an emphasis on decision making)

The Odyssey by Homer

Assessment: We are still working on plans for this unit but we were thinking of doing something with an odyssey around the school. This could tie into the assessment.

4. Creativity

The focus here would be on enhancing writing skills

Assessment: The Apprentice-style challenge where teams must develop and market a product that teaches students to write effectively

5.  Tolerance 

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Assessment: Develop and execute a plan to 

educate the school about the need for tolerance. This year our class came up with a Wall of Tolerance made from surveys they took from the student body...it was pretty cool. I like the idea of some sort of monument because it gets kids thinking about the physical spaces they use and occupy and artistic forms of communication.

6. Communication

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

Assessment: This year my coworker came up with an awesome assessment that involved making the play accessible to the masses. 

Students can expect to develop, enhance and apply their writing skills because the ability to write effectively is a benchmark of becoming a good citizen. In addition to mastering the standard five-paragraph essay, students will blog all of their writing online, participate in monitored online forums for homework, and use their writing skills to interact with the school, local and world communities. 

So that's the end of my brainstorming syllabus. By the way, I totally stole the blogging essay idea from this teacher-- http://hipteacher.typepad.com/ . Large contingency of readers (Mom and now Michael (mom's boyfriend), any thoughts?

I knew my hour-and-fifteen-minute, ever-more-expensive car ride home was good for something. 

...And I'm going to ride it all night long." 

To Fail or Not to Fail? *

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more 

useful than a life spent doing nothing." 

George Bernard Shaw

"Try again. Fail again. Fail better." Samuel Beckett

So today was class reflection day. I've been lucky enough to have three of these this year. We are on the trimester schedule and have an insane--literally--task of teaching new students each trimester, so in my first year, I have taught twelve different classes of students; although, I've only had six preps. This means I've had approximately 230 class reflections handed into me to date. It's a good thing I'm a big fan of reflecting. 

I hope one day when I am the experienced, life-changing teacher that I dream of becoming, class reflection day will be the highlight of my year because it will be the day I realize that I've actually made a difference, a significant difference. However and to say the least, I'm not quite there yet. Today I had the full spectrum of reflections: one that particularly stands out was in response to the question "What made learning difficult for you this trimester? Explain." I received the ever-so-concise answer "Ms. (insert my last name here)." Actually, there were no periods; punctuation seems to be a lost art form these days. In the same class that I received this reflection, I failed about eight students, over a fourth of the class. I can't even believe I'm admitting this "publicly."

It was later in the day that I received unsolicited feedback from a student who I haven't had the pleasure of having in class. He's a nice kid: quiet, helpful, artistic and respectful. He came in after school to ask if I needed any help, and then we preceded to chat. He asked if it was my first year teaching and how I got into education. I explained what led me to where I am, and then he asked if I would be staying at the high school for a while. I responded that I was planning on it, and he replied, "Even after everything everyone says about you?" Ouch. I didn't see that one coming. I pretended not to be too struck by his comment and joked that I may not be caught up on all the latest gossip, and then he said, "Well, everyone just says how much work you give and how much writing you expect your students to do." Ahhh...in case that wasn't clear, that was me sighing with relief.

Not to jump on the defense but rather explain my concerns with the state of education, I don't give homework every night and when I do, it's usually about twenty-thirty minutes a night. I would say the amount of homework I give averages to about fifteen minutes a night (if that). I do ask my students to write a lot (mostly because many of them are sixteen years old and don't know what a sentence fragment is...even I, fraud English teacher, know that one). So my concern is this (and I speak for my school only): What are we sacrificing when we pass students who don't deserve to pass or dumb our classes down enough so it is possible to pass without ever bringing a book home or completing any work over the weekend? I think we are sacrificing everything, including our students. 

This trimester students could not pass my class if they did not write the "mandatory" four-and-a-half page junior research paper.** Was it hard? Yes. Was it new to most students? Yes. Was it impossible for any student? Heck no. But still eight students expected to pass without doing it despite the numerous warnings I delivered in class, on progress reports, to parents via phone and email, to guidance counselors and personally. They really were shocked when it got towards the end of the trimester and I told them they had to do the paper (now over a month late) or take a failing grade. I don't believe I speak too incomprehensibly (although at times I certainly lack eloquence) and I don't believe my students a dumb computer/couch potatoes. So where is the disconnect? I think it's in vague, inconsistent and lowered expectations. I have yet to have one student of average intelligence fail one of my classes; students who get a kick out of Ulysses have failed my classes but the ones that struggle the most intellectually usually get by with a C. So what am I doing wrong? What is the high school I work in doing wrong? What is the district doing wrong? I believe it is us, not the students, are the ones doing the failing. 

All I can say to sooth my bruised, teacher ego soul on this emotionally taxing day known as class reflection day is that I will fail my students and myself better next year.

*I'm sure this cliche title has been used before, but I'm drained from the day and lack all energy that would be required to come up with a creative title. Don't tell my students I said that. 

**Rants and raves on research papers will certainly make an appearance in the near future.

Conniving Mind Manipulator or Just a Teacher?

 
Today we wrapped up our unit on The Importance of Being Earnest. We talked a lot about materialism and examined the cyclical nature of advertising and consumerism in Western culture. As students presented their projects today, I realized my words resonated within the various projects they presented. That's one of the coolest things about teaching: when you hear something that you feel is important echoed back to you through the voice of a young, developing mind. But I'm beginning to wonder if my teaching and lessons are too calculated, too one sided.

One of my main objectives as an English teacher is to provide my students with the tools for self growth. Literature has been the catalyst for much of my growth as a person, and it is for this reason that I deeply love literature. I feel that my passion for literature comes before my passion for teaching; in fact, I don't think I could really say that I have a passion for teaching. It's my desire to show others how essential reading can be in developing our ability to think critically and analytically that spurs my desire to teach. I enjoy teaching immensely but I don't love it like I love my subject. At least at this juncture, I have a much deeper intense love for my subject than my profession. Anyway, this was a very circumlocutious way of explaining why what I teach is very personal to me and therefore, often very biased. 

Reading has provided me with a deeper sense of identity, purpose and strength than I had prior to my infatuation with literature, and I want my students to be able to have that same opportunity if they want it; therefore, I often present material in class that challenges our society's hegemonic thinking: I ask students to become very aware of the various messages (and the motivation behind such messages) that they receive on a daily basis. I want them to try and find a part of themselves, that inherently good and beautiful part, that is somebody without a Coach purse, iPod, cell phone, or Hollister wardrobe. Inherently, asking them to do this, asks them to look critically at things like big business, consumerism and capitalism. We frequently talk about student loans, systematically privileged groups, advertising, media conglomerates and what are typically considered "liberal" agendas. I'm not really interested in politics all that much and I don't know all that much about the topic, which helps me reaffirm to myself that I am not intentionally pushing any political agenda; I simply want to teach my students how to understand the world from multiple view points and in the process, become a bit more tolerant and unafraid of exploring unconventional modes of thinking. I hope that by doing this they will have the tools to identify a part of themselves that is so much more than all that surface stuff that is so important to high schoolers, and let's face it, most people in our contemporary society.

I know others would see some of the topics that we discuss in class as typically "liberal," and I'm just beginning to wonder is there a line and have I crossed it? I honestly feel like I am trying to teach students to become more responsible, self-educated individuals, but I know my gun-owning co-worker a few doors down probably wouldn't see my classes in such a positive light. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm having a personal conflict with my job. Do teachers have a responsibility to be completely objective? And does objectivity require us to sacrifice some of our passions? I think the simple answer is probably "Yes," but I have trouble believing that is actually the correct answer.

But Google Is My Favorite!

Over the course of getting a masters degree and my first year teaching, I haven't had much time to fall in love. But I have developed one love: I love Google. I remember studying for my GRE in English lit, and I absolutely loved having my computer by my side as I read. If I came across anything in the works of Johnson, Hardy, Arnold (ah, the whole lot of classic writers) that sounded like an allusion to something else (the Bible, Shakespeare, Greek myths, whatever), I immediately Googled it. I am one-hundred-percent convinced that Google has enhanced my reading capabilities and allowed me to make meaningful connections that I never would have been able to with out those six letters of various colors.

I now use Google for everything, and I tell my students to do the same. We've used Google to uncover multiple meanings and symbolic references in "The Scarlet Ibis," look up racist ads and TV shows on YouTube as they pertained to our discussions about To Kill a Mockingbird, and find definitions for obscure Shakespearian words (When I'm asked, "Did Shakespeare REALLY mean THAT?!?!" sometimes I wish the internet wasn't so darn informative.). I've even told my students it's OK to use Google books instead of checking out paper-bound books from the library for their research papers. Although I absolutely get weak in the knees each time I enter a library and would like to foster a similar appreciation for librarians that hold their gray locks up with ninety-two bobby pins in my students, I also know that my competition (iPods, iPhones, TiVo, HDTV, GPS, etc.) is looking pretty stiff these days.

So when I came across Nicholas Carr's article, "Is Google Making Us Stoopid," in The Atlantic this month I was practically certain the title was just a ploy to get people to read the article; I didn't actually think Carr would conclude that yes, Google is making us stupid. I feel that despite being a mass media conglomerate and all the problems that arise from any mass media outlet, Google is making me, and my students, smarter. Well Carr convincingly argues that Google is altering the circuits in our brains, and in the process, is making reading for extended periods of time (i.e., a whole newspaper article) more challenging for our brains. Could it be true: the very thing that I tell my students to use is actually my numero uno enemy and ruining their ability to read a book cover to cover? I'm constantly teaching my students about media literacy and trying to combat the effects of consumerism and desensitization, but after all, the devil's greatest trick was convincing the masses he didn't exist. Shall I dare say it--is Google the modern day antagonist of Paradise Lost?

I don't have an answer, but I do believe that education has the power to conquer all. I would like to believe that as long as we educate our students about how mass media (including Google) influences the way we think at least they have the tools to ask meaningful questions. Granted, our own understanding of such influences is probably significantly limited, but if we give our students the right tools, they will probably be able to ask much more pertinent questions than ourselves. I wonder if it is possible to actually use Google to teach students how to think deeper and make deeper connections on seemingly divergent subjects while Google is designed to shorten their attention spans and quests for information. If that's not possible, I'm worried that we are actually doomed. Google has become the mental and intellectual fabric of modern culture, and if it's not possible to use it and fight its effects simultaneously, we may be in trouble. Don't believe me? Check out Carr's article, then you might. It's scary stuff.

http://theatlantic.com I don't think Carr's article is on the website yet, but another good article to check out from last month's issue, and one that is on the website, is "Higher Education's Cruelest Hoax."

How Do You Measure a Year?

1. I taught citing incorrectly for the first two trimesters.

2. I made a girl, who has a terminal disease in remission, feel guilty about earning bonus points.

3. I didn't keep organized book lists and probably lost fifteen books for my department. 

4. I thought solving problems after school would work better than a corny joke.

5. I gave out several handouts with grammatical errors. Ok, I'm lying   --many handouts.

6. I didn't do the required SAT prep one day a week during the last trimester, and I did it about every two weeks during the first two trimesters. I hate SAT prep and my students know it.

7. I was intimidated by and nervous around some students, and as a result, I made several snappy, rude comments that I would expect to hear out of the mouthes of students and not my mouth.

8. I quizzed my students on vocabulary words that I didn't (and still don't) know the definitions for.

9. After trying REALLY hard not to, I gave up on four students.

10. I had a student tell me today that she can't stop thinking and now she thinks in a way she never knew possible before because of my class.

I'm going to say it was a successful year.

11. I haven't lost my tendency to be overly optimistic sometimes.

Dual-Identity Sundays

Correcting? Gardening? Correcting? Gardening? Gardening.

Go Confidently in the Direction of Your Dreams

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the 

life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, 

the laws of the universe will be simpler." 

Henry David Thoreau

The first class of students I taught graduated last night. Our school uses trimesters, and I only taught senior classes for the first trimester; my time with them seems like a memory of an old rain cloud that has since past. At the beginning of this year, I was very green (I'm not talking being eco friendly here; I mean green, the old-fashioned way). I butted heads with a lot of students; in fact, practically my whole period 5 class. They hated me, I tried my hardest not to hate them, they didn't do homework and wanted to talk all during class, I tried to get them do work and wanted to cry all during class (shockingly I've just about made it through my first year without shedding one tear; I came quite close once but the tear did not fall), and basically period 5 and I shared a mutual existence in school hell. 

I have since come to better understand the good that exists in each of my students as I have let go of our roles of student and teacher and tried to embrace our mutual humanity. I remember it being really hard to read students' work when papers had comments like "You are only my teacher and nothing to me, so don't try," " This was supposed to be our fun senior year and you've ruined it," and my all-time favorite, "This class makes me want to put a bullet through my head." At least the last comment was the final line of a poem that utilized each of the five senses. It was very challenging and practically impossible for me not to take these comments as an attack on my teaching and me as a person (Eckard Tolle's A New Earth was a great help for moving past these types of judgements). So to say the least, this graduating class, which embodies my first round of mistakes, carried some baggage for me.

Graduation was amazing. As I watched each signifier of my various mistakes walk across the stage at graduation, I realized that we both made it. I just smiled and clapped to my palms hurt for every student because I wanted each of my students to see that despite our head butting, I recognized, supported and was pushing for their accomplishments--their humanity--the whole time. The most rewarding part of graduation was having students who I failed smile at me as they walked by my seat; some smiles were a bit uncomfortable and some were genuine. Such smiles seemed to be mutual recognitions of our mistakes and our successes. 

The best smile I shared was with A. He was a student I admired from the beginning because of his natural ability for symbolic, analytical and artistic thinking, but at the time he wasn't ready to give respect to a young, first-year, female teacher, and the young, first-year, female teacher had no idea that his anger towards her stemmed from something deep within and reacted to it very personally. Last night his smile was bright, just like his soul, and being on the receiving end of it felt good. No, it felt great. It gave me hope for him and it gave me hope for me.

After I went home, I was lying in bed and was reflecting over the course of the night. I was thinking about the various mistakes I made (some that will be hard to let go of), and it dawned on me why I made every single one of my mistakes--I was trying my best to do what was best for my students. Sometimes while watching out for one, I hurt another in the process, but my motivation was always to give students the tools to become better people. This realization brought a bit of sunshine to that rain cloud in the distance.

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End...

This seems like a pivotal moment for me--my very first blog, which happens (or not so happens) to come in the closing days of my first year of teaching high school English. At this time I would like to make a disclosure about this post and all future posts: Although I am an English teacher, I'm a bit of a fraud; I was raised in the same type of educational system that I am now working in and for that reason (and no fault of my own, of course) my grammar and vocabulary do not always "adhere" to the normal English conventions. In short, I'm still working on my grammar, and I will always be a life-long vocabulary enhancer (just a few years behind my peers). OK, now that one-third of my teaching insecurities is out there, I will continue on.



I could start this blog fifty different ways: a rant about the current state of education, a rant about how everyone has forgotten the point of education, a rant about the system I work within (local and national), a rant about standardized testing (although, I'd be more inclined to praise it than speak against it), a rant about the students' lack of respect for me and their education, a rant about the parents who don't care, a rant about parents that care for all the wrong reasons, a rant about all the people who think teaching is the career path for "those who can't do" and includes the perk of a "two-month paid vacation," etc., etc. I guess my attempt to avoid ranting turned into a rant, but it must be unavoidable in one's first year. But I would really like to start my blog on a positive note because despite all the "stuff" that I learned about in my first year, it's been an amazing nine months--amazingly hard but more importantly, amazingly rewarding.



Today my favorite junior class and I were discussing Britney Spears (actually, we were reading the article "Shooting Britney" from the January issue of Atlantic Monthly sans the line about Lindsay Lohan's recreational use of drugs and a thirteen-letter swear word; in all honesty, I missed the thirteen-letter swear word in my pre-photocopy editing and the students, like bees drawn to honey, pointed it out to me before we reached reading the mother-of-all swears as a class; the bell rang when we were about ten lines above the profanity, and--technically/administratively speaking--I was saved by the bell). We recently just finished reading The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde and in an effort to foster an appreciation of Wilde's comic and analytical genius (and stress literature as universal subject that transcends the barriers of time), we have been discussing and reading articles about materialism and consumerism in contemporary American society. We were talking about our incessant desire to consume more and more; I (un)subtly brought celebrity culture into our discussion.

I love these discussions because you can see it in a young mind's eyes when he or she has never considered the idea you are discussing: the eyes stay wide open and sometimes you see the eyebrows and forehead become tense which creates a wonderful image full of innocence and blossoming maturity in one. But I had one of my favorite discussion moments today that was not very much like this.

As we read about the amount of money Britney Spears the product makes for the various media mediums ($100 million) and how much the pictures of celebrities sell for these days, one student, P, raised his hand and then caught the mini-football we toss around to handraisers in order to sustain a level of order that I cannot function without. And with cool and developing confidence he said, "People used to say a picture is worth a thousand words, now it's worth a thousand dollars." Immediately, this statement struck me as astute and deeply profound, and I knew instantly is was a special moment for me. I had helped this student reach a thought that far exceeded my own perception and level of thought. I love it when that happens. Several students do this occasionally (one in particular is practically failing my class but that's a rant for another day) and it amazes me. But no student up until P had uttered something so succinct and meaningful (at least to me) in my classroom thus far. It was just one of those moments when I thought to myself "Wow, that was cool."

The year is coming to an end, and I can't start to wait prepping this summer. I want to help create as many wow-that-was-cool moments as possible. Corny? Yes, but oh so true.